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Minor spoilers from Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

About a few days ago, Lucasfilm/Disney released the first teaser trailer for Star Wars: Episode 9 — now officially titled The Rise of Skywalker, at the annual Star Wars Celebration, which was in Chicago this year. Very shortly after, the long-awaited teaser was posted online, much to the joy of many Star Wars fans such as myself. As far as those who still have a bad taste in their mouth from The Last Jedi, I can’t speak for them. What I can speak on, however, is how I picked apart virtually each moment from this trailer! Look at the marked time for each scene as you read.

 

(0:12) Looks like Rey finally returned to her home– Jakku, aka the sh*thole planet that looks even worse than Tattooine. It also looks like she fixed Luke/Anakin’s old lightsaber after that whole “force pull tug-of-war” thing between her and Kylo “look Snoke! No tantrums!” Ren in The Last Jedi.

(0:31) WhattheTIEFighter?

(0:56) Is she really about to take on a TIE Fighter/interceptor thing? Well, at least it isn’t as crazy someone using force pull to yank down a Star Destroyer like in that video game I can’t remember the name of… *cough FORCE UNLEASHED cough cough*

(1:04) Soooo Kylo Ren is going from patricide, to splitting Snoke in half, to… vehicular manslaughter??

(1:08) JUDOO FLIP!

(1:14) Is that… Whoville? Maybe there’s a Grinch burning Christmas trees down there… (is it me, or do you still shed a tear for Carrie Fisher when Leia’s theme comes on?)

(1:16) Kylo Ren, the Huntsman.

(1:19) Fixing the “Ridiculous mask”– Ol’ Ben Solo’s proverbial middle finger to Snoke. Meanwhile, Finn and Poe Dameron with the “Entertainment Weekly” pose.

(1:23) Lando’s happier than a pig in slop to *finally* have his ship back.

(1:25) HYPErspace!

(1:31) C-3PO is probably saying “The odds of us surviving this intense speeder chase are Eight-Hundred Fifty Bajillion to One!

(1:33) Leia’s feeling a bit nostalgic…

(1:35) Leia (whispers to Rey): “Go forth and make all those toxic fanboys cry!”

(1:38) This looks like potentially the most fire hip-hop album cover in the galaxy.

(1:40) Death Star Graveyard?? I never stopped to think about what happens to those things once they’re blown up.

(1:46) When Luke said “…no one’s ever really gone”, he wasn’t playing. Wait…I know that laugh….

 

Great trailer! It didn’t give too much away and it did what a teaser trailer is supposed to do– tease! With that being said, I have concerns, mainly with the return of Emperor Palpatine. Is he a force ghost? Did he survive the destruction of Death Star II in Return of the Jedi? I’m really hoping that Rey has no family ties to Luke Skywalker or any other famous Jedi, and despite a couple of hints at the contrary, I’m also hoping that director J.J. Abrams doesn’t play it safe and just simply re-hash Return of the Jedi (I mean after all, The Force Awakens was pretty much A New Hope 1.5).

However this final chapter in the Skywalker Saga is going to turn out, we won’t see it unfold until December.

 

 

(photo cred: Lucasfilm Ltd./Disney)

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